Saturday, October 9, 2010
This is a photo of our poor neglected tomato plant. I stopped watering the plants over a week ago...I've just gotten busy and the season is ending and my attention to the plants is waning. Today I walked out the back of the house and noticed that our little tomato plant has two new blossoms, and one red tomato. The top part of it wilted and died mid-summer. It didn't seem to phase the plant, which went on to produce quite a few tomatoes. Those little blossoms gave me hope today.
Recently I have been feeling like the brown, dead part of the plant. Without going into a lot of detail, I'm having to make a very difficult decision that I'd prefer to just not deal with. It's a decision that is challenging, because, like most, it is impossible to have all the facts. This decision will have to be based on a lot of what if's and projections, and since it involvs my health, I am hesitant to base my decision on shaky ground.
This has left me feeling dead and dry, sad about my life and sorry for myself. I am not doing a good job of just dealing with the cards I have been dealt. I am spending my energy asking 'Why me?' and wishing fervently for this whole thing to go away.
Those two, tiny yellow blossoms on the tomato plant I'd given up on give me just an inkling of hope that this might turn out ok. That my friends, family, and my faith will watch out for me and the millions of scary thoughts that run through my head just might not happen. I am a bit more hopeful today. I am striving to be ok with my fate and to continue to blossom, even though things are hard right now. Here's to hope.